No, these wedding bells are for the illustrious Dark Fairy Queen, Anna Meade, whom we all love very dearly in the writerly world. In honor of her wedding we're putting together a Dark Fairy Queen Writerly Bridal Shower.
I knew it would have to be something utterly fantastic to convince me to update my blog. ;)
This is my silly, silly story that I thought up while I was at work. Congragulations, Anna! :)
Title: You Can Do A Lot In Three Hours
Author: McKenzie Barham
Yes to Ebook!
Auntie Fergunson was a flighty creature with an unfortunate habit of squealing at anything that made her remotely emotional. She hummed pleasantly now, running her expert fingers through Anna’s hair, convincing the wild curls to be calm for just this day.
She caught Anna’s eyes in the mirror and wriggled her eyebrows. This was another unfortunate habit.
“What?” Anna asked.
“Oh, nothing, darling,” Auntie said with a mild squeal.
Anna sighed and smiled, assuming it would be another pre-wedding moment of excited squeals.
“Oh, all right. You have mail.”
Anna opened her mouth and closed it. “Mail?”
“Yes!” Auntie squealed.
“Auntie,” Anna laughed helplessly, “I’m getting married in three hours.”
Her tiny aunt ran out of the dressing room for half a moment and shoved the pink envelope in her
hands. A twinge of worry hit her stomach.
“You can do a lot in three hours. Just look at that stamp.”
“Yes, it says, ‘America.’”
“No! Look closer!”
Anna scrunched up her eyes and gasped. The stamp shimmered before her eyes, changed images and shot tiny fireworks that rippled into three words: Super Secret Wombat. She ripped into the pink envelope ferociously.
“Don’t they know I’m getting married?! Ugh! I’m not going anywhere! I swear if they do not start reading the calendar--oh...”
Auntie giggled hesitantly. “What’s a wombat, darling?”
Anna wasn’t sure how to approach this subject. Auntie didn't even know she owned the castle they were in now. “It’s a sort of mascot, Auntie and basically, well, I...” She winced. Auntie looked at her expectantly.
Anna took a deep breath. “I’m employed by the Dark Fairy Investigation Agency and I investigate all forms of magical crimes.The pink envelope means someone’s been kidnapped. However, the wombat could mean any number of things.”
The smile on Auntie’s face shrunk microscopically.
“I’m kidding. I just have to go to the bathroom.” Anna fled out of the dressing room almost tripped over her seven bridesmaids (who were actually fairies) who waited expectantly, envelopes and weapons in hand.
“Greetings, your majesty,” they chimed simultaneously.
“Keep your voices down,” she hissed. “Now what is so important that you interrupted my hair dresser?”
“The Wombat is jealous,” whispered one.
“The Cannon is not yet fired,” said another.
“We must rescue the Knave.”
“He is not a knave,” Anna sighed. She loved her fairy friends dearly but they were insanely jealous of her fiance. Soon to be husband, if I could get my hair finished.
The fairies’ words finally sunk in. “Did you say he needed to be rescued?”
"It is imperative to The Wedding we rescue the Knave."
Anna felt her heart plummet towards her white wedding slippers.
~ ~ ~
Within minutes the fairies had led her to an alarming scene. Positioned upon a balcony outside of her castle was her largest Cannon. Behind the Cannon was a busy wombat who grinned deviously down at them. Sticking out at awkard angles were two polished shoes, undeniably attached to two struggling legs.
Anna unfurled her fairy wings and leapt toward the balcony. "Wombat, what are you doing?" she cried in horror as he lifted his match and set the Cannon ablaze.
BOOM. Showers of glitter flew through the air as Anna watched her poor groom disappear over the trees surrounding her castle. Anna knew that although being fired from the cannon was entirely safe, there was no way to tell where anyone landed.
"The Knave is lost," the fairies murmured. They did not sound particularly remorseful.
Anna glared at her Wombat. "And just what do you think you are doing, sir?"
He chuckled, paws over his mouth. Anna stalked toward him, her Dark Fairy side trickling into her eyes. She was about to stuff the Wombat into his own cannon when a voice said:
"Does anyone know what Super Secret Wombat means?"
Someone stepped out from the glittery shadows and held up a pink envelope. Anna threw her arms around her groom.
"Michael! I thought you'd been fired!"
The fairies shyly gathered around him and tugged at his shirt. "The Knave is rescued. We are glad."
"Did they just call me a knave?"
Anna shook her head. "It's a long story." She glanced back at the Wombat who was dancing on top of the Cannon. "What?"
"It is unlucky to see each other! You can't get married now!"
Anna and Michael exchanged amused glances. "I'm quite sure we can, sir."
"I'm not even in my wedding dress!"
"But... but the fairies said..." the Wombat stuttered. Anna whirled on her fairies.
"I knew this was your doing!"
The fairies wrinkled their noses and shuffled their tiny fairy feet. "The Knave is kidnapping you. We are sad."
Michael held up his hands. "We're leaving for a week and then we'll be back! No kidnapping involved, I promise."
The fairies cocked their heads. "You are returning?"
"Of course! We live here," Anna laughed. She waved a few particles of glitter from the air. "I really need to finish my hair. By the way, who was that you fired from the Cannon?"
Two fairies began to cry.
"We are sorry, your majesty."
"It was Auntie Fergunson."